FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
