Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
