i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
