Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
