I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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