she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
