Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it because I queefed?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
