i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
