____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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