I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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