You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
