Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
