his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
