So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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