Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
