Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
