You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
