YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
