you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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