My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
