it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
