Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
