Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
