I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
