I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize