I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to jail i love you
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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