Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
