Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
