I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
