She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
