My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
