Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
