So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
