i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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