im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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