I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize