I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
