im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone came in the potted fern
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize