If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
