I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
