You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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