Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
