And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We left the knife in your bed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
