And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
