If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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