I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
