The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
