Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
