My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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