so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
