Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
