I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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