I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
