You're my little dorito
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
