My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
