I swear she didn't look like that last week.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
