i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
how drunk are you?
Several
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
