Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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