C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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