Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
