Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
