No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
