If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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