If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
