Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
