I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
