if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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