I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
